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wI sometimes wonder...
an unreliable diary detailing nothing more than lack of confidence.


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w9.06.2003


Moving

I'm thinking of permanently moving my blog over to typepad. So, for current updates, please visit redandblack. I have thirty days to decide how well it's working out. Leave comments (on redandblack) and let me know what you think.

posted by Benjamin at 3:05 PM


w8.31.2003


perhaps it's time to stop relying on supposed definites. and on order and schedules that i impose. perhaps it's time to stop relying.

::tired of the inevitable::

posted by Benjamin at 10:25 PM


w


eager-depression

emasculating personage

immediate satisfaction

importantance of conviction

conviction
commitment
conviction
commitment

regretandregretandregret and never start to change

::denying interpretation::

posted by Benjamin at 10:21 PM


w8.24.2003


So...I'm back at school. slowing seeing everyone again. room is much bigger this year.

maybe i'll post some sort of road trip diary later on...nothing really great happend, i was mostly in the midwest, i spent one night in chicago, which was about the only excitement of the whole trip.

::moving too quickly::

posted by Benjamin at 6:55 PM


w8.18.2003


After trying for the whole summer, I finally achieved the seemingly impossible: I woke up at 6 am, with the first ring of my alarm, and went to a coffee shop right when it opened. It's a great feeling.

I leave in four hours.

This weekend I tried to say goodbye to everyone. It didn't really work--I didn't see everybody, and my 'goodbye' to the people i did see seemed forced and carried much less weight than it should have. I'm sorry.

posted by Benjamin at 7:00 AM


w8.14.2003


leaving monday. much to do.

packed up all my cd's today. after purging a whole lot of bad stuff, i'm very proud of my music collection. i can almost pass for a real hipster.

mmm...caffeine pills...very bad for me...yesss

this week i interviewed randy murray, the new york city DJ who helped to break run d.m.c. in the early eighties. he was sooooo coooooool. the story should appear in tomorrow's Santa Fe New Mexican.

can i take this opportunity to put in a good word for yerba mate? it really is a magic beverage.

i've been doing a lot of therapeutic tape recording while i drive lately. handheld microcasette recorders are awesome.

::afraid to say goodbye::

posted by Benjamin at 6:33 PM


w8.11.2003


i value sincerity.

i cultivate irony.

and epitomize sarcasm.

::tired::

posted by Benjamin at 10:37 PM


w8.07.2003


as my life gets increasingly interesting, or at least stressful/hectic, my blog gets left behind. i guess that's the way it is for most amateur bloggers...if you have stuff to do, why sit around and write angst-y 5,000 word posts?

that said, stereo is turned up, door is locked, and typing fingers are all stretched and ready, so let's see what's up.

i leave for school on august 18th. a few goals to accomplish before then:

finally finish that painting i've been working on
get camera fixed
wake up early even on my days off
complete two features for the new mexican: driver's ed videos and randy murray (run d.m.c producer)
interview
wisely invest money (in iPod or similar device)
finish _a portrait of the artist as a young man_, _one hundred years of solitude_, and at least (2) other
books

that seems like a modest list, and i've got 10 days to do it; unfortunately, i also have to pack and set up campus tours for a number of colleges.

longevity cafe has reopened. water street is cool again, but only between ninepm and elevenpm.

must-see weekend events:
avenged sevenfold w/the kidcrash (maybe), warehouse21, friday night
the second street experience, carnival-thing, friday and saturday afternoon to night

last weekend of work starts tomorrow.

ben reininga and nick join me in leaving home early this fall. they're moving to hong kong and california, respectively, both to prestigious and extremely hip schools. eliza dangler, st. mike's numberonestareverything, is starting at simon's rock (i could not be any more excited about this, by the way). connor is graduating early to join the marines. bridget flannery mcCoy is going to school in Wales. santa fe, why can't you hold on to your best teenagers? I mean, how many smart people actually spend four years in high school nowadays?

my birthday was tons of fun. i was at a party on sunday night, and officially turned eighteen while debating the merits of pop-emo bands with various scenesters. mostly drunk scenesters. i had a drink called an 'ectoplasm' that was really quite good. i'm not sure what was in it. liquor and something green and fruity, pretty much. then emily and i went to a seedy all night diner (sounds cool, actually just denny's) at like two.thirty; we probably had the least awkward and most interesting conversation we've had all summer. i got home at fivethirty, slept for a few hours, and then started again. the rest of the day was a million percent less interesting, actually, it was only the first five hours that were unusually pleasant. this girl jamie bought a cake for me and brought it to the new mexican staff meeting. she is not good at picking up on signals. and she is not good at giving up. and she is _definitely_ not good at being let down easy.

ummm....there is a lot going, i never seem to be at home, it is difficult to explain what i do. what we do? y'know? we...sit? we eat bread? we tip well, we make outstanding remarks, we play games we do not quite understand, we are known in certain circles, we jump off buildings, we scare cops, we have a park a pizza place a coffee bar a tea house a book store a gallery a cinema a rock club and a neighborhood, we are young? i am tired of trying to define life in terms of the exciting things i have never done before. i accept that there are no good stories. can i also accept that they are all good nights?

::uncertain of answers to many seemingly obvious questions::






posted by Benjamin at 4:45 PM


w8.05.2003


18

::eighteen::

posted by Benjamin at 11:57 PM


w7.27.2003


i declare the following things either

HOT!

...or not

Begin!!!

hot:
java joe's
squad car 212
queer eye on the straight guy
diet coke
grunge
girl pants
second street
melody

not:
moist things
sleeping alone
federal witholding tax
not being able to answer yes or no questions
cafe oasis
microbrews and designer rootbeer
post-grunge
water street
harmony

::might call you "honey bunches of oats" if things get serious::

posted by Benjamin at 12:48 AM